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Envelope, Please...
2-27-00
(printed in C-Ville Weekly Vol.12, No.10)

Cripsy's Crammies
Hank Williams III - Rev. Horton Heat
Dead Meadow - Engine Down - The Make-Up

"I would have preferred to have won a Golden Globe Award, but frankly... I couldn't afford it."
-Steve Martin at the American Comedy Awards
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Did you watch the Grammy Awards? What a farce. Even as a music journalist I could only stand about a half hour before succombing to queasiness. I'm sorry, but the Dixie Chicks? The Hogwaller Ramblers could take 'em blindfolded. Ricky Martin? -- can't sing, can't dance. To me, watching him perform is like watching re-runs of Three's Company: I sit wincing with empathic embarrassment. The mighty sage Carlos Santana got about 9 dozen well-deserved Grammys this year, even thanking our beloved Dave Matthews from the podium, which is very cool, but it's obvious that they aren't giving Santana Grammys for his new record -- they're giving him Grammys for "Black Magic Woman," "Oye Como Va" and "Evil Ways"-- thirty years late. He used to be just some Mexican hippie guitar player-- now he's a living legend.

I've decided to devise my own musical accomplishment award, the "Crammy," and force it down your throats, just like in the major leagues. This year's results were tabulated by throwing nominees' names down a flight of stairs-- those closest to the top won prizes. In the case of a tie, awards were given to those with the most cash and slickest management. And the winners are...

Crammy for most crucial Charlottesville band: The Hogwaller Ramblers
Crammy for best vocalist: Corey Harris
Crammy for most amazing musician in a variety of settings: Aaron Binder
Crammy for best record: Lauren Hoffman's From the Blue House
Crammy for best band with a mutating line-up: Stable Roots
Crammy for most entertainingly obnoxious punk: The Counselors' Jeff Melkerson
Crammy for most powerful micro-management juggernaut: devon and Dr. Bindu
Crammy for coolest band name: Bella Morte
Crammy for biggest waste: the break-up of the Secret
Crammy for best newcomers: Roaring Mary
Crammy for most likely to be nominated for another Grammy: John McCutcheon
Crammy for greatest thing to happen to Charlottesville since Tom Jefferson laid his maid: The Dave Matthews Band
And finally, Crammy for single song that should be required listening for all who dwell in our fair burg: Atsushi Miura's "I Hate Charlottesville."

son of two guns
his worship
Wednesday, 2-23-00 -- The Grammy Awards were making me nauseous so I rolled over to Trax for Rev. Horton Heat with special guest Hank Williams III. Punks and rockabilly types were mixing with older rock and country fans in Trax's cavernous black interior. Reports of Hank III's CD being a real country-radio-sounding record were making me a little nervous, but all fears were put to rest when he burst onto the stage-- a proud-to-be-loud lanky hillbilly punk with a torn-up Misfits T-shirt and a beaten and scrawled upon acoustic guitar. His band launched into a set of punkabilly originals and revved-up old school country covers, more than fully living up to the glory of his family legend with such gems as "We Put the Dick in Dixie and the Cunt in Country." He even did a little yodeling ala Hank Sr., thoroughly impressing this duck, but eventually it became time to turn up the heat and so Rev. Horton Heat took the stage backed by his traditional up-right bass and drums combo. Decked out in a red suit with embroidered flames to match the ones painted on the bass fiddle, the good Reverend proceeded to swing and jive his irreverent variation on raw rockabilly jazz. The Reverend looks to be in his forties but he throws down a very energetic, raw-edged, rough and ready-to-rumble rendition of good times rock and roll, and although the sound in Trax was remarkably harsh and loud, the crowd capitulated with thrashing and dancing.

Thursday, 2-24-00 -- Not wanting to be the only one in town not hip to the next happening thing, I ambled down to Tokyo Rose for a night of D.C.'s finest alternative rock. The show started off with a thumping set of almost Zeppelin-esque jams from Dead Meadow. The young band drove hard through feedbacking climaxes, leaving their drummer panting betweens numbers. They were followed by Engine Down, who are at least partially based here in town. Engine Down, in my opinion, stole the show. Heavy like anti-matter, they wound their way through intricate volcanic passages of odd time signatures and even odder chord changes, generating overwhelming sonic landscapes and weaving them into a furious tapestry of almost classical elegance. They were so intense that the headlining band, The Make-Up, was a let-down for me. The Make-up are notorious for their band aesthetic-- they wear uniforms-- and for their lead singer's outrageous tirades and rock and roll antics. They play a rough version of 60's R&B/psychedelia-- somewhere between early Stones and the Animals. Their lead singer resembles a cross between Lou Reed and Iggy Pop, and he has come up with some great slackard rock cliches-- perfect stuff to get the audience chanting along, but I was a little bored with them after Engine Down's thorough trouncing, so I rolled home for asylum.
-Cripsy Duck

Idle opinions are the duck's playthings. cripsyduck@mindspring.com

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