Clap Trap
words and music Stephen Barling

(NOTE: This acerbic attempt at social commentary deploys a litany of offensive stereotypes
and some awful language. Please do not mistake this for open bigotry.
All people (even the most careless) are appreciated and respected.)

My name is Bobby
I'm into football
I really look big
I really think small
I am a Pi Ka
I drive a Porsche
I love the rat race
I like to kick ass
I like to do lines
I like to drink beer
all I can say is
I ain't no fucking queer
but I'm a clap trap
yes I'm a claptrap

My name is Betty
I am a Kappa
I don't like dead tunes
I like the hooters
I'm into health food
except for bon-bons
I don't do nasty
except on weekends
If you're a nice guy
and buy me drinks now
you might persuade me
to let my virtue down
'cuz I'm a clap trap
yes I'm a claptrap

My name is Terry
I'm into frisbee
I do not like war
please do not tread on me
see my hightops?
see my tie-dye?
I'm an aquarius
I am a nice guy
my girlfriend Sheila
she is an earth-child
she likes to fire it up
and then get kinda wild
cause she's a clap trap
and I'm a claptrap

My name is Roger
I am a fairy
I do not like girls
I think they're scary
I'm into leather
I'm into bondage
don't bend for the soap
I'll take you hostage
I know that my kind
will soon die out man
but I don't give a fuck
I'll do it while I can
cause I'm a clap trap
yes I'm a claptrap